The sooner someone starts crushing up contraceptives and sprinkling them on the chips of everyone in soapland, the better.

It’s a given that any illicit encounter or doomed relationship will result in a surprise pregnancy a few weeks later.

And, of course, the bigger a secret the pregnancy is, the more likely it is that the positive test will be carelessly disposed of and discovered.

Coronation Street’s Chesney was only a teenager when his ex Katy gave birth to their son Joseph.

Now he’s expecting another sprog by gobby Gemma, who will certainly sleep, eat and whinge more than any baby she produces.

In EastEnders, Louise is pregnant with Keanu’s baby.

You’d have thought growing up with Karen as a mother, a woman with a brood of unruly children by various men, would be all the deterrent he’d need.

For their part, Emmerdale prefer to have long-lost children turn up in the village out of the blue.

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